Please, God... PLEASE

Hey, all

Not gonna talk much today because I'm actually quite mentally exhausted and am now getting a headache after the day that I've had. Today, to be brutally honest, was one of the lowest points of my entire uni life.

After 2 months of (im)patiently waiting for my fate, or outcome from the final stage of the Vic Roads interview, I finally received a call from someone within their HR department today. Basically, what happened was that they called to tell me that they were not able to proceed with my application because they said that they never received the Police Check documents that I was meant to send in.

And believe you me, I was utterly shocked to my core. I know myself very well. I was very sure that when they first asked for the docs, I wasted NO time in getting everything I needed. Even double, triple, quadruple checked that I had everything in order and sent it RIGHT AWAY.

About a month later, I received an email reminding me to make sure these documents get sent before the month is over. There was no instructions as to how I was meant to check so I replied to the email, I called the recruitment company, I called Vic Roads HQ, and FINALLY got connected to the HR person that I spoke to in the interview the other day.

I tried to ask her if they had received everything. Cause if not, I would be more than glad to send them again. Unfortunately, I couldn't get through to the number and could only leave a message and send another email regarding my situation. Ever since that day, I never heard back and assumed that everything was okay.

Then things started to get fishy. I neither got an acceptance, nor rejection 2 months down the track when I'm meant to hear back 2 weeks after my interview. Well, that was until I received this phone call today that completely, absolutely shattered my heart.

I had done everything I could. Sent what I needed. Followed up as much as I could. Tried to get hold of every one that I could. But as it turns out, it was neither my fault nor theirs, but the documents simply got lost in the mail.

All my HARD WORK over the years to try and apply for a job in Australia and being SO close has finally boiled down to this. I was in a bit of a whirlwind after that. The person was gracious enough to talk to me as long as I needed over the phone. Because they were just as shocked to find out about what had happened as I was. I let them know I tried everything I could. Was beyond my control. If there's anything I could do now. If it's possible for them to consider me again.

But they regretfully told me that all the offers had been sent out and there's really nothing they could do. And I could tell there was a bit of remorse in his tone as he said it as well. I realised that it wasn't his place, he really didn't need to, but this stranger that I have never met is actually showing me compassion towards my very unfortunate situation. I was very touched by it.

So I thanked him. I asked if I could get some feedback, and he was very kind to advise and also comfort me over what had transpired. I have already expressed all the regret I felt to a stranger who didn't need to, but was willing to listen. I told him that I was very disappointed because I was very hopeful.

And more than that, I told him that I actually really enjoyed the interview process with the two HR reps because there was a lot of great things that was shared, including ideas of being a part of a new team to help improve Vic Roads as an organisation, as well as laughters exchanged in between. All of which, were signs of a very successful interview process, by anyone's standards.

So out of curiosity, I asked him out of the 4,000+ applications they've gotten this year, how many people actually made it to the final stage of the VicRoads interview. He told me 50. This was both crushing and encouraging at the same time.

Encouraging because I beat all the odds of a small Asian kid with no PR to make it ahead of all the people I knew and didn't know. I certainly did not deserve it, but I am humbled by the favour of God in my life. Crushed, because IF the Police Checks were received, I would have stood a very, VERY high chance of getting that dream job. In fact, judging by how everything went smoothly in the interview, I would have no doubt in my mind that that job was mine.

But the truth of the matter is, that by unfortunate luck/fate/coincidence or whatever you wanna call it right now, my documents got lost in the mail. For the first time, there was nothing that I could have done better. I have done everything I could and more. And it was completely unfair.

If only I had gotten this job,
- their in-house lawyer would have personally MADE SURE that I got my PR by the end of the year
- I wouldn't have to sit for IELTS for the 3rd (and counting...) time
- I would have had a secure job even before I finished my degree
- I would have started earning a VERY generous salary
- Would have been granted one year off after my 18 months program (and guaranteed a job upon return) to travel/do anything I wanted
- And finally, would have gotten a full sponsorship to pursue my Masters Degree in the future from VicRoads........................

All of this would have completely changed my life. It would have given my family and so many people hope that despite being a non-PR, it IS still possible to achieve things like PR and a job upon graduation. Something, that many, many people are already struggling with even if they've gotten a PR. I would have so liked to pave the way.

Not for any proud or selfish reason, but because I, too, would have really appreciated to see if someone who is going through the same struggle, and has paved the way through all the hardships and obstacles to come out victorious on the other side of this "PR journey".

After all that, I have come to understand that as much as I wanted to bask in the perks and glory of getting that VicRoads job even before my graduation, it really wasn't for me. Otherwise, how could God allow something so stupid like a parcel getting lost in the mail even happen to something as important as this. Therefore, it really wasn't for me.

As much as I had hoped for my Life to be the story of someone trying hard to get a job and finally got THIS amazing job, it just really wasn't for me. God has other plans for my Life, whether I see it or not right now. Let HIM be the Author of this story, not me.

But I can't help but hear this horrible voice in my head going, "I didn't do anything wrong!!! I don't deserve for this to happen to me!!!"

Right now, as much as I'm struggling with going through the motions of "it's not fair...!!", then back to "you need to trust in God", I really do need to pick the latter. Because, I know that God has opened SO MANY more doors for me after He shut certain doors that I desperately wanted for myself in the past. Lest we forget that.

And just as His Goodness and Faithfulness has shone in my life in the past, He will continue to do so even through this time of pain and hurt. And I know that my whole Life is a testament of his Glory. He has given me so much in the past. And He will continue to shower me with more blessings if I continue to seek first His Kingdom.

Therefore, I need to TRUST. Cause if I didn't have a God to trust in, I really, really wouldn't know how to deal in a time like this. I am so thankful to have God in my Life. And so many friends and family who never failed to support and encourage me every step of the way.

My life is shattered by this news, I won't lie. And I don't want to lie about my true feelings on this blog. But it's because of this state of Brokenness that today I got to feel the Goodness of God in my Life more strongly than I have ever done before with a friend. Right now, God sees my pain, and struggle to go through this entire meeting PR requirements and job hunting process.

But by His strength, I will prevail. Even if it means starting from Square One. So hopefully some weeks or months from now, I am able to recover from this and possibly laugh at the irony of it all?

But right now, I'll be honest to say that I really do need a bit of time... Today was a sad, sad day. I don't want to talk about this to anyone for a while after today. I just want to work through it with my Saviour, Jesus Christ for now. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayer.


Love you all,
Winston.