My Battle to Fight

I've had a truly amazing Summer break. Quite possibly the BEST one yet...!

• Spent a week in Penang with my parents and Sister
• Flew to Singapore for the weekend for the Foster the People concert (got a KitchenAid, too)
• Flew to Kuching for a few days for a friend's wedding
• Had friends from Singapore visit for a few days
• CNY...!!!
• Lots and lots of time with my Family just taking it easy (after a hectic Final Year)
• Finally, spending every single day playing with my irresistibly cute baby Nephew. Oh gawd, that kid is literally a bundle of joy, we're so blessed

Life is so full. Time went by so quickly and I'm flying back next Tuesday already. Calling each of those a highlight would be an understatement and I can't pick which experience I enjoyed the most because they were all so darn good. Prolly the last one, and everything else is a close second.

Another thing that I've been really occupied with this Summer is also practicing for my IELTS again, which I'm taking this Saturday. For all of you who know me, you would've heard me share how much I've struggled with this exam FOUR TIMES last year alone. And it gets demoralising and discouraging with each one. Till the point it's hard for me to hold hope anymore for fear of getting disappointed once again. I don't think my fragile state of Faith can take it anymore, seriously..........

You may think that it's a stupid exam and assume that it's nothing to be worried about but you have NO idea what my friends and I are going through if you haven't taken the exam yourself recently.

This holiday alone, I've met with four different IELTS tutors (can you believe that...?) and spent countless hours at home on top of that practicing and practicing hard for my IELTS exam. I am EXTREMELY determined to get all the scores I need to apply for PR (before it's too late.................) 

And I felt more discouraged after meeting with each of the tutors, one after the other. My goal to get all 8's in every single one of the components keeps feeling more and more distant even though I was trying hard and practicing more. From what they tell me, it seemed almost impossible. I don't know anyone who's gotten the scores they need for the IELTS yet. On top of that, even the tutors themselves have never had a student who's gotten all 8's in their years of experience.  "Are we fighting a lost cause?", I thought.

It wasn't until last week, God showed me a sign. One friend told me that he finally managed to get all the scores for the IELTS. OMGGGGGG I can't tell you how extremely HAPPY I was for him because I totally understand 100% how hard it is and now he can finally apply for PR!! 

So, I asked him for some advice. Basically, what he told me was it took a bit of luck and a LOT of praying. And let me tell you, this is one guy that I've known for years who was probably the last person I'd expect to be praying let alone advise me to do it. A "church goer" who struggled with praying being advised to pray by a "non-church goer". BUT, hearing him say such words seriously gave me Hope and spurred me on to keep praying, just as he did and not give up. Suddenly, I didn't feel as lost as I did anymore, knowing at least one other person I know amidst the hundreds of people with the same struggle finally made it.

Then a few days ago, ANOTHER friend told me that he, too, got all the scores for IELTS too!!! Dear God, this is extremely, extremely good news. 

With every ounce of Faith I have left, I truly hope that THIS is the time that I, too, can get my IELTS. I know that deep down I'm really quite anxious because I feel there's still a lot of work that needs to be done, but I know that those words from The Deceiver, trying to bring down my Spirits. 

I subscribe to the Lord of Deliverance and Freedom and am FIGHTING away the lies that tell me I am not good enough and I can't make it. I choose to walk through this with Jesus, my Saviour, by my side. 

Do keep me in prayers for this Saturday, the 18th. Hope you're all well, take good care of one another. 

Much Love, 

Winston.

Hello, World

Hi,


Not sure if anyone still checks out this blog. But in case anyone's wondering, Together Called is NOT dead. I do not, and have never had the intention of shutting down this blog, despite my absence in this space.


Things just happened, one after another. Hope to share them eventually one day. Basically, Life* just happened. Both the good, and the very bad.


Today, I was thrown off my high horse and reminded that I am absolutely powerless without God in my Life. I really, really need him. More than ever. And sometimes, I wonder if He'll take me back even if I've strayed but He always does. I guess I find it harder to grasp the concept of Grace, till this day, than most people. 


I have a deep aching and heaviness in my heart that's resurfaced. It is one of those things that absolutely leaves me shattered and helpless. The worst thing is that this time around, I can't turn to any of my friends or loved ones, for it is a path that I need to walk myself. I know I shouldn't feel alone, because "God is with me" but I can't help it.


It's really hard to be happy and at peace of the future when nothing's looking bright, not even close. And I'm not talking about work prospects of PR applications. I guess this is where Jesus comes in. I don't know when this will ever end, and I don't want to think about Hope or the future because it's so bleak.


I'm overcome with sadness and I really need my Saviour, please... Just want it all to go away but I know that's not how things work. Anyway, I apologise for the solemn and dreadful tone of this post but I'm very thankful that I have this blog. That I don't need to pretend to smile to anyone or keep a "cheerful" conversation going despite the storm that I'm truly feeling in my heart. 


I feel even more sad right now because I know that when I wake up tomorrow, nothing's changed or the situation might have gotten worse, for that matter. Not looking forward to sleep, not looking forward to waking up. Not looking forward to anything.


Hope you're all doing better than me.




Thanks,
Winston.

A jolly festive season indeed!

Always making full use of a festive season or special occasion to get friends together, tonight is no exception.

And after a night of gorging ourselves silly over a Szechuan meal, before consuming 8 mooncakes while playing lanterns in Carlton Gardens, just wanted to wish everybuddy,

"HAPPY MOONCAKE FESTIVAL!!!"

Glad to have spent it with the KK bunch tonight, it's been a while. Hope you never run out of excuses to catch up with old friends, whenever and wherever you are!

Warmest blessings,
Winston.

Stay strong, kid.

Went in today with my friend to pick up my IELTS results. This would have been the third time I took this exam this year to try and apply for PR. Turns out, I did get the required score... Again.

There's no point thinking about why I keep missing the mark. Because whatever you can think of, I'm sure it's gone through my head more than a thousand times already. My faith was tested once again as I received this news this morning.

It's the age old question, isn't it? "Why should I hold hope when it could lead to bigger disappointment?". But I know better that it really depends on what I hold hope for, and whether or not it's in line with what God has for me. Because the plans I make for myself can be blown away in just a second, but the plans God has for me is as strong and indestructible as a Diamond (recalling a conversation I had with my bro, Chris)

See, I know how to "have faith" in "theory", but a lot of times it's really hard to put it into practice. Anyone know what I'm talking about here? We all know the "textbook" answers to Life* but it's really easier said than done.

Whatever it is, I'm so thankful to my Mum for being my rock. I'm so glad that she is able to understand and comfort me like no one that I know. Thank you, Mum. And she's absolutely right. I really do need learn to let go, and take things as they come.

Because God's plans are not revealed all at once. Faith in God is all about taking it one step at a time, each and every day.

I guess you can say that right now, I'm relearning everything that I've learned about Faith in the past... Again. This cycle never ends, but so what?

Though there are days when I feel defeated, but I know that this is what the Enemy wants me to think. So don't worry, I'll be fine because I KNOW that these thoughts are not from my God, and by His strength, I will prevail.

Hope you're all learning to stay strong no matter what. Seriously.

Love you all,
Winston.

A Silver Lining

My friends know I'm all about "The Cheese". Sometimes, I'm as Cheesy as Cheesy gets. Nuff said.

You know what they say about, "Behind every cloud is a silver lining". Well, this saying is especially true because I've found mine.

But before I go on to say anything else, I really do wanna express my most sincere gratitude towards my dear friends and family for showing their strength, comfort and consideration towards me last week.

That experience (as per my previous post) was honestly one of the worst things I've had to deal with in a very long time. I'll be even more honest by saying that I don't think I've been THAT sad since my late Grandmother's funeral close to 7 years ago. So glad no one saw me then.

To some of you, I was completely honest. To some, I was really vague. It was just really hard to bring it up again after everything. But things are better now. After some time, I no longer feel any shame or condemnation towards what happened last week and I praise God for it. Some things just takes time...

And I don't know if I've said this before, but there really is no Strength on Earth like the one from Jesus Christ.

So thank you again for everything.

Just a short update on what's happened since then. I've begun to fully accept my circumstances and slowly been able to share and talk to people about it again. And like I said, my Faith Journey should really be titled, "God's Closed Doors" or something.

Because for me, personally, God's grace is almost always shown through shutting numerous doors, before opening different, unexpected and better ones in my life.

For instance, just about the same time as I received that horrible news earlier, I got an email from this Land Surveying/Town Planning firm and was invited to work at their firm as a casual Office Assistant for a coupla weeks. The only reason I was contacted by this firm was because I had met the Director/CEO of this company at an industry even many months ago, who still remembered me very well (which I am so humbled by) since then. I certainly remembered the amazing conversation I had with him but never expected it to be vice versa.

It was so unexpected and I am so happy for this opportunity. I'm not sure what doors it'll open, since it's not even in my field of study. But being able to be in close contact with someone in his position is always amazing I never know what the future holds. So far, I'm just even more humbled by the fact that someone like him would recognise and value me, as an individual, among so many people even though I don't have much to give.

As for the fact that I don't have a job JUST YET, my new option right now is to do a year-long Masters Program next year. Feelin' really good about it, the more I think about it. It's now been able to open up SO many opportunities to do so many things. For instance:

- to get a Masters Degree early on (before I actually start working full-time)
- go back for Summer to see and play with my NEPHEW for the first time (!!!!!!!!!!)
- fly to Kuching for a friend's wedding in Jan (ALWAYS wanted to go!!)
- give my WHOLE family a chance to visit me in Dec 2012 (brother, sis-in-law and nephew included) and have the holiday in Australia we've ALWAYS talked about
- maybe travel after that...?
- and so much more...

Basically, I'm no longer scared of what the Future holds for me. Because I know with all my heart that it is HIS WILL that will prevail above all others, and especially mine.

Life has its ups and downs. But thank God for Friends and Family during the ups and especially the downs.

It probably won't always be smooth sailing from hereon, but let's not forget to take care of one another.

Love you all,
Winston.

Please, God... PLEASE

Hey, all

Not gonna talk much today because I'm actually quite mentally exhausted and am now getting a headache after the day that I've had. Today, to be brutally honest, was one of the lowest points of my entire uni life.

After 2 months of (im)patiently waiting for my fate, or outcome from the final stage of the Vic Roads interview, I finally received a call from someone within their HR department today. Basically, what happened was that they called to tell me that they were not able to proceed with my application because they said that they never received the Police Check documents that I was meant to send in.

And believe you me, I was utterly shocked to my core. I know myself very well. I was very sure that when they first asked for the docs, I wasted NO time in getting everything I needed. Even double, triple, quadruple checked that I had everything in order and sent it RIGHT AWAY.

About a month later, I received an email reminding me to make sure these documents get sent before the month is over. There was no instructions as to how I was meant to check so I replied to the email, I called the recruitment company, I called Vic Roads HQ, and FINALLY got connected to the HR person that I spoke to in the interview the other day.

I tried to ask her if they had received everything. Cause if not, I would be more than glad to send them again. Unfortunately, I couldn't get through to the number and could only leave a message and send another email regarding my situation. Ever since that day, I never heard back and assumed that everything was okay.

Then things started to get fishy. I neither got an acceptance, nor rejection 2 months down the track when I'm meant to hear back 2 weeks after my interview. Well, that was until I received this phone call today that completely, absolutely shattered my heart.

I had done everything I could. Sent what I needed. Followed up as much as I could. Tried to get hold of every one that I could. But as it turns out, it was neither my fault nor theirs, but the documents simply got lost in the mail.

All my HARD WORK over the years to try and apply for a job in Australia and being SO close has finally boiled down to this. I was in a bit of a whirlwind after that. The person was gracious enough to talk to me as long as I needed over the phone. Because they were just as shocked to find out about what had happened as I was. I let them know I tried everything I could. Was beyond my control. If there's anything I could do now. If it's possible for them to consider me again.

But they regretfully told me that all the offers had been sent out and there's really nothing they could do. And I could tell there was a bit of remorse in his tone as he said it as well. I realised that it wasn't his place, he really didn't need to, but this stranger that I have never met is actually showing me compassion towards my very unfortunate situation. I was very touched by it.

So I thanked him. I asked if I could get some feedback, and he was very kind to advise and also comfort me over what had transpired. I have already expressed all the regret I felt to a stranger who didn't need to, but was willing to listen. I told him that I was very disappointed because I was very hopeful.

And more than that, I told him that I actually really enjoyed the interview process with the two HR reps because there was a lot of great things that was shared, including ideas of being a part of a new team to help improve Vic Roads as an organisation, as well as laughters exchanged in between. All of which, were signs of a very successful interview process, by anyone's standards.

So out of curiosity, I asked him out of the 4,000+ applications they've gotten this year, how many people actually made it to the final stage of the VicRoads interview. He told me 50. This was both crushing and encouraging at the same time.

Encouraging because I beat all the odds of a small Asian kid with no PR to make it ahead of all the people I knew and didn't know. I certainly did not deserve it, but I am humbled by the favour of God in my life. Crushed, because IF the Police Checks were received, I would have stood a very, VERY high chance of getting that dream job. In fact, judging by how everything went smoothly in the interview, I would have no doubt in my mind that that job was mine.

But the truth of the matter is, that by unfortunate luck/fate/coincidence or whatever you wanna call it right now, my documents got lost in the mail. For the first time, there was nothing that I could have done better. I have done everything I could and more. And it was completely unfair.

If only I had gotten this job,
- their in-house lawyer would have personally MADE SURE that I got my PR by the end of the year
- I wouldn't have to sit for IELTS for the 3rd (and counting...) time
- I would have had a secure job even before I finished my degree
- I would have started earning a VERY generous salary
- Would have been granted one year off after my 18 months program (and guaranteed a job upon return) to travel/do anything I wanted
- And finally, would have gotten a full sponsorship to pursue my Masters Degree in the future from VicRoads........................

All of this would have completely changed my life. It would have given my family and so many people hope that despite being a non-PR, it IS still possible to achieve things like PR and a job upon graduation. Something, that many, many people are already struggling with even if they've gotten a PR. I would have so liked to pave the way.

Not for any proud or selfish reason, but because I, too, would have really appreciated to see if someone who is going through the same struggle, and has paved the way through all the hardships and obstacles to come out victorious on the other side of this "PR journey".

After all that, I have come to understand that as much as I wanted to bask in the perks and glory of getting that VicRoads job even before my graduation, it really wasn't for me. Otherwise, how could God allow something so stupid like a parcel getting lost in the mail even happen to something as important as this. Therefore, it really wasn't for me.

As much as I had hoped for my Life to be the story of someone trying hard to get a job and finally got THIS amazing job, it just really wasn't for me. God has other plans for my Life, whether I see it or not right now. Let HIM be the Author of this story, not me.

But I can't help but hear this horrible voice in my head going, "I didn't do anything wrong!!! I don't deserve for this to happen to me!!!"

Right now, as much as I'm struggling with going through the motions of "it's not fair...!!", then back to "you need to trust in God", I really do need to pick the latter. Because, I know that God has opened SO MANY more doors for me after He shut certain doors that I desperately wanted for myself in the past. Lest we forget that.

And just as His Goodness and Faithfulness has shone in my life in the past, He will continue to do so even through this time of pain and hurt. And I know that my whole Life is a testament of his Glory. He has given me so much in the past. And He will continue to shower me with more blessings if I continue to seek first His Kingdom.

Therefore, I need to TRUST. Cause if I didn't have a God to trust in, I really, really wouldn't know how to deal in a time like this. I am so thankful to have God in my Life. And so many friends and family who never failed to support and encourage me every step of the way.

My life is shattered by this news, I won't lie. And I don't want to lie about my true feelings on this blog. But it's because of this state of Brokenness that today I got to feel the Goodness of God in my Life more strongly than I have ever done before with a friend. Right now, God sees my pain, and struggle to go through this entire meeting PR requirements and job hunting process.

But by His strength, I will prevail. Even if it means starting from Square One. So hopefully some weeks or months from now, I am able to recover from this and possibly laugh at the irony of it all?

But right now, I'll be honest to say that I really do need a bit of time... Today was a sad, sad day. I don't want to talk about this to anyone for a while after today. I just want to work through it with my Saviour, Jesus Christ for now. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayer.


Love you all,
Winston.

Hello...!!!

Howdy, folks! How are y'all doin' ta-day...???

Just wanted to give a quick update on how things are post-exam/end of semester. As you might have figured out already, coping with Final Year of uni was not like what I had imagined it to be.

Though there are times where I really wished I had dealt with things better, or had been a bit stronger through the tough times, I know there's nothing I can do about it right now, but learn from it.

And as I'm going into my final SEMESTER of this degree, I am going to try my very, very best to handle whatever situations I'm giving a little bit better, and not lose sight of my identity and what's important through it all. I also really hope to look past whatever hardships I think I will face and still show compassion to those around me. That is the hope, at least.

So ever since I FINALLY ended the semester, I have been partyin' and having the most AMAZING time every single day, from morning to night, literally. I seriously took my new found freedom to a whole new level. "We so excited... Yeah, we so excited..."

And halfway during the dinner on the day I finished my exams, I actually had an epiphany. I was looking round the table to see the faces of all my beloved coursemates, and I couldn't help but think, "I really AM in the BEST place in my Life right now".

I say this because as I was looking across the room, I couldn't help but notice the presence of the most amazing bunch of people who helped me through uni each and every day. On top of that, we just had an amazing day celebrating the end of exams and then we were all dressed up, at a fancy restaurant celebrating the 21st of one amazing person in our group. There's just too many things to celebrate. Now you tell me, can Life get any better than that...?

It was a simple, realisation. Or actually, a reminder that I am truly blessed with so many things in this Life. But what really matters is the Friends that I have. And my Family to be thankful for. Why couldn't I have remembered all of this instead of being such a whiny, over-complaining brat throughout semester. Sigh... Moving on.

Another thing that made Life VERY different for me this semester was that I had been living with 2 housemates the past 6 months... But not just with any 2 random strangers, but 2 people I've really gotten to know the past few years I was in Melbourne, which is awesome.

Though to be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect of it because I was SO used to living on my own last year, so having two people share my home would definitely have required a readjustment on both me and the two brothers's parts. But after a whole semester of living together, I can surely say now that "It was GOOOD..."

I think the 3 of us really saw eye to eye in a lot of things, "household-living-condition-wise", so that was easy. So beyond that, it was really just the amount of time spent together in the house, which I appreciated.

Cause to be very frank, I did not REALLY know the elder brother, Kel, as personally as I do now, believe it or not. Before this, I did hang out a lot with him cause we both shared the same circle of friends in Church. But honestly, have not had any honest, open, or personal conversation with him. Because of that, I was always closer to every one else in the group but not very much to him, until this year. Living together really opened that space for us to share lives as friends in a way that hadn't been done before, which was awesome.

I still remember having this long and honest conversation with him right after we got back from Easter Camp. A lot was said that night but at the end of it, I can honestly tell you that our friendship did grow. And now, Kel has actually become a really close friend of mine. He knows he can always count on me and vice versa, which is amazeballs...

Unlike his elder brother, I am very proud to say that Juls has really become one of my closest friends in Melbourne the past two years. So staying with him as well was quite good, really. The only difference between living together and not was that before, if we had something to tell each other or just wanted to talk about something, we had to wait until we've set a time to meet up later on.

So you can say that living together made it more "convenient" to be there for one another as friends, literally. And before this, I thought I knew this guy really well already. But it wasn't until after spending all that time with him, that I realised that he really, really, is becoming more and more into a Man of God each day. He's really grown SO much and I know that even though it's not my place (because it's not like I'm much older or wiser or whatever), but I can't help but still feel so proud of him. He's not a human "doing", but a human "BEING".

So anyway, I really had a great first semester, despite what it may seem at times. And I really have these two guys to thank for. It's been fun, and I'm glad that our lives did cross for this short period of time. Looking forward to what's ahead for the next chapter of each of our lives!

Praise be to God. Now, and forever.


Much Love,
Winston =)